Parable of the Proxy
by 10ESON
Summary: Vendetta.Jasper lost Alice when she tried to save Edward from the Volturi alone.Now Bella will be proxy for his revenge.Changing her: easy.Using her: simple.Resisting his lust for her: impossible.As newborn strength wanes, so does Jasper's determination.
1. Homeostatis

Something of vengeance I had tasted for the first time; as aromatic wine it seemed, on swallowing, warm and racy: its after-flavor, metallic and corroding, gave me a sensation as if I had been poisoned.  
**-Charlotte Bronte**

Jasper still recalled with teasing irony the last test question he had answered in his Biology class at Forks High.

"What criteria must be met in order for an entity to be considered living?"

Was he alive? Certainly he fell short by several measures as defined by Mr. Banner's limited world view. What question would have served him better was, what criteria must be met in order for an entity to be considered dead?

Now, therein lie the mystery.

Jasper had once been alive. He'd possessed his men's respect, a strong hand, and a compassionate heart. Maria changed all that. She had taken that compassion and molded Jasper into a weapon of her whims. He could still see the newborn's confused expressions when they realized their end had come and not at the hands of standoffish Maria, but in the brotherly embrace of their new lives' first friend and mentor.

And Jasper had done whatever she wished. Thinking she loved him, that she needed him not only for his abilities as an empath, but for his place in his heart, he never questioned and never argued. Maria was far older than him, had seen battles and wars that he could never have dreamed of. Her experiences and judgment meant she knew what she was doing, knew what must be done. So when she told Jasper a newborn's time had come, he knew that, while the emotions he felt in parallel to the castaway rendered him in two, Maria knew best.

And then one day, he realized she didn't. Leaving Maria hadn't been an easy decision, but it had been the right one. What Jasper had told Alice and the others was true to some degree; it was because of what he felt in carrying out Maria's wishes that had finally driven him out of her arms and into the wild. What he never shared with Alice, nor anyone else, is exactly what _he _felt in those times. At the end, what he felt... was numb. Yes, the despair, the confusion, the horror of the newborns seeped into his consciousness, but his response was to simply _stop feeling. _

Just like Maria had, long ago. She shielded herself from joy, from love, from bliss. Maria felt only anger, hate, and the need to control. In his numbness, Jasper let Maria's darkness become his own, and allowed her will to be conducted through him by proxy.

Numb- No response to stimuli. Unable to adapt to his environment. Dead.

But Alice had changed all that. She had brought him back, revived his desire to live, his need to thrive. For her, he had awoken from his unchanging state. He had seen beauty anew. He had been _alive. _

So in love with life and in a life with love, Jasper would have done anything to protect it. When Bella Swan had entered the periphery of the Cullens' world, the state of being "alive" became a predicament. Jasper responded to stimuli. A new organism had wandered into their environment. She sucked up resources, made changes to their organizational structure. Jasper had tried to reason with Edward, tell him that it wasn't wise, wasn't safe. He hadn't listened. What irked Jasper the most was that he understood why precisely Edward had become so pigheaded. Edward, too, had lingered in numbness for too long. Bella had poked him with a stick, made him react. But Jasper swore, if anything, _anything _of Bella's presence in their lives put his Alice in danger, there would be repercussions.

And now, Alice was dead.

The whole family had left at Edward's request, the justification being that it was for Bella's benefit. Jasper understood, however, it was for just as much their good as well. His attack on her hadn't been unexpected, only unpredicted. How long could one walk along the edge of the fire and not expect to get burned? Bella had it coming. _Edward _had it coming. When they left, Jasper had been relieved. It was only a matter of time before word got back to the Volturi, and they wouldn't take too kindly to the blatant disregard for regulations. But leaving Bella alive still set him uneasy.

She was still a variable, an unknown factor that could pop up to unbalance their equation at any moment. It wasn't that he wanted her to die, but he wouldn't deny that when Alice's vision had come, a certain sense of relief had filled him. He wasn't without sympathy for Edward, but it had set the equation back in balance. Bella was dead, and the Cullens were free from the burden of having her know their truth.

Alice rushed back to Forks, intending to comfort Charlie and make sure proper respects were made. Everything after that was still a mass of confusion in retrospect. Bella wasn't dead, only foolish. Edward, however, had thought she had perished. Bella, having stared death in the face and not liking its sneer, finally realized her short-sightedness of being so willing to throw away her humanity. She refused to go with Alice to Italy when the Edward's theatrics had taken him to the Volturi, choosing instead to stay in Forks with the mongrels. Alice rushed to Volterra, trying to convince Edward the vision was wrong, Bella was alive. Edward tempted the Volturi by exposing himself in public, showing his true being.

Alice couldn't overpower him, and she couldn't convince the Volturi otherwise. They had killed her when she stood between them and her beloved brother.

Was Jasper alive? He didn't know. He felt dead, felt a lack of reason to continue to live, to thrive. But after a short time, the numbness faded into despair, and despair into anger. Anger became rage, and rage demanded revenge.

He knew what he had to do, but knew he couldn't do it alone. In his eyes, there was only one choice. He needed a proxy, needed a new born. His wife was dead because of Edward's lover, so Jasper was going to make Edward's lover serve up the vendetta for his dead wife.

He was going to change Bella Swan into a vampire.

He was going to use her newborn strength to get revenge on the Volturi.

And then, when each of them lie in piles of ash and dust in the ancient Italian streets, he was going do what he had been trained to do and had done for so many years.

He was going to kill Bella Swan.


	2. Natural Selection

"Regrets are idle; yet history is one long regret. Everything might have turned out so differently."- Charles Dudley Warner

Natural Selection

There must be some limit to this insanity, but where that limit lie, no one knew.

Bella's nightly screams were as common at the rain, and fell upon the weary brow of Charlie Swan just as frequently. There had been a pause- a time when, though he was certain his daughter wasn't entirely at ease, she had at least calmed to the point where her arms no longer were covered in bruises from the thrashing, where her eyes weren't watery from lack of sleep, where her voice wasn't gravely from the cries that awoke her each night. Now, though it was just as bad as before, thank goodness her days were much brighter. Gone was the zombie child who stalked his halls and sat listless for hours each day, staring out her bedroom window. Though nocturnal terror still visited with each setting of the sun, Bella of the Living smiled at him across the breakfast table each morning.

The new normal.

To speak of the night was taboo. There was nothing to be done. He knew the first time the reason for her anxiety and despair: that damned Cullen kid. Then, Jacob had rescued his daughter in more ways the one. He pulled Bella from the churning, cold, current-drawn seas and brought her to the shores of sanity, both metaphorically and actually. That Jacob had been the one to revive her? Yeah, he was a little jealous. More than that, it made him question his validity as a father. If he couldn't protect the most precious thing in his life from self-destruction, what was his purpose?

"You know, that stuff will stunt your growth."

Bella eyed her father warily over the brim of the chipped, ceramic coffee mug still pressed to her lips. Blowing across the surface, condensation swirled before disappearing back into the realm of the invisible.

"I think I'm pretty much done growing, Dad," she returned stoically before taking another sip.

Charlie returned to his examination of the paper. Unlike other readers of the Forks Tribune, his goal was not to become informed regarding the goings-on about town. The consequence of his job was that he was all too aware of the depravity and inhumanity that even sleepy little Forks could play host to. No, his objective was damage control. There were cases under investigation, indictments pending. The last thing he needed was for some over-eager, green leaf newbie reporter straight out of UW, the likes of which was about all the budget of the Tribune could afford, to catch wind of something that wasn't quite ready for public examination.

Then again, even I guy in the know was occasionally surprised.

A grumble and an annoyed smirk was all the audible comment he gave, but it was enough for Bella to pick up on.

"One number off in the lottery again?" she joked.

He couldn't help but love a return of her little sarcastic remarks. "They found a hiker dead up in the forest. "

To his surprise, she seemed honestly concerned. "You didn't know? Don't they, you know, usually call you in on things like that?"

"Not always. Olympic Forest is under jurisdiction of the National Park Service. They'd only call us in if there's evidence of foul play. They think a bear got this guy." He folded the paper and set it on the table, taking a turn with his joe. "Sounds like he was torn up quite a bit. Tragic, but it happens. Poor bear, though. He'll be on the Ranger's hit list."

"So… you wouldn't blame him?"

What an odd question, Charlie thought. He supposed that Bella was just making polite conversation; she sometimes felt the need to engage him these days, just as a way to let him know that she had interest in the here and now, that she was all present and accounted for.

"Bear was just being a bear, Bells. You can't blame nature for doing something that comes natural to it."

She blinked her eyes, as though dismissing her concern. "No, I guess you can't. I guess, that would be…"

Bella's voice trailed off, taking her mind with it as she stared blankly at the table. A half-peaked smile suggested she had just had some sort of realization, perhaps even an epiphany. Charlie knew better than to ask. Frankly, didn't want to ask. Asking after the inner workings of a teenage girl's mind. That's what…

"Jacob!"

…was for.

Bella rose from her stupor as the half-ton incarnation of human growth hormone that was Jacob Black entered without invite into their kitchen. In the garden of growth spurts, Jacob had been a magical bean sprout who had shot up and out over the last year. Charlie was convinced at first that the Rez was experiencing a HGH or steroids flood, but he couldn't find any evidence of tracking on the underground, low-level local drug trade to support it.

"Morning, beautiful," Jacob purred as he held open his arms and waited for Bella to rush in. He didn't have to wait for long. She was on her feet and at his lips just as quickly as humanly possible.

Being a gentleman, Charlie looked away. However, being a father, he looked right back after a moment. The two kids had been inseparable nearly the whole summer, and now with Bella's leave for college just a week away, he was surprised he could get them to say goodbye to each other each night and agree to spend at least six hours apart.

"Jacob," Charlie muttered, reminding the lip-locked teens of his presence.

With a promising smile that said "we'll pick this up later" to Charlie Swan's daughter, Jacob pulled back.

"Charlie," he returned, though his eyes remained fixed on Bella.

"Coffee?"

"No thanks." Mr. Black blushed. "I'm … wide … awake."

Charlie rolled his eyes as Jacob leaned in and kissed his daughter once more. "All packed, Bella?" he asked, hoping to get them to break it up already.

Which, thanks be, they finally did.

Bella pulled back and picked up her mug from the table. "Yup. Just need to grab my toothbrush."

"Do you have to go?" Jacob whined, looking ever the lovesick puppy.

"Jake, it's just one night. Renee… _Mom, _has been looking forward to this since she found out Phil's team was scheduled to play Seattle. And when I get back tomorrow night, I'm all yours until 8:30 AM Friday."

Jake shrugged as he took a seat at the table and grabbed the paper from the table in front of Charlie. "You say that like it's a good thing."

"Me going to college isn't a good thing?" Bella returned, looking mockingly mortified.

"No, Bells, of course not. I mean, _is._"

Charlie smirked. _Dig yourself you fast, boy._

Jacob continued, "It's just… You know, Portland. It's so far away."

"Jacob Black, it is a miracle that I was able to get into any college on such short notice. Thank god for rolling admissions. Don't even go there." Her anger softened into a coy smile. "Besides, it's only a five hour drive. I'm sure if you're really determined, you can just … _run _down to see me."

Charlie could tell from their loaded expressions there was some kind of inside joke, but he really didn't want to know.

Jacob's smile faded. "I just… I worry about you. My little Isabella without her fella. I worry if you'll be safe."

An odd look of utter sincerity spread across Bella's face. "Jacob, I'll be safe. I know that. I know, because of you, I'll always be safe."

He nodded. "Yeah, well… Okay, we should probably get you to the bus station."

Jacob jumped up and started up the stairs. Alone, Charlie saw his chance to jump in. "I wish you'd let me drive you, Bella."

"No, Dad. It's cool. Look, I'm just going to step on to the bus, sit for three hours, then step right off where Mom will be waiting. You drive me up there, you've lost your whole day, there and back. And since you're not up to Jake driving me up…"

Visions of parked teenagers danced through his head and he shuddered.

"… this seems the best way. Great time for my car to die, huh?"

"Perfect," he mumbled.

"Okay, all set." Jacob bounced into the kitchen with Bella's duffle in one hand and her toothbrush in the other. "Concierge service, ma'am. Charlie."

"Jake," Charlie mumbled as way of goodbye. "Bells, call me when you get there, okay?"

"Promise," she returned, giving him a fake salute. "I know you. If I don't, you'll have an APB out on me by sundown."

* * *

"Edward, Don't go! Ow!"

Forty heads and seven-nine eyes whipped in Bella's direction as she jolted out of her seat and knocked herself into a near-coma on the overhead luggage compartment. Her breath raced, her heart thudded. Her chest was heavy, her thoughts-confused. It wasn't unusual for her to nod off during the day, and regretfully, not even unusual for one of her bad dreams to wake her. The scream in the daylight hours, however, was a bit unsettling. It usually needed a stimulus, a trigger…

Putting her hand to the side of her face as she slowly sunk into her seat, she realized the cause. The flesh was chilled, taut, just as it had been that day in the woods. Looking out of the window, she saw the overcast skies. Even for Washington, and especially for August, the air was unseasonable cool. It hadn't climbed out of the 60's in a week, and a passing shower outside the bus window led her to believe it was colder still. Luckily, the forecast called for partially cloudy skies come evening, so Phil's game wasn't expected to get rained out.

"Bad dream?"

The man in the seat next to her had his face buried in a magazine, and a fedora and high-necked collar disguised most of his features.

"You could say that," Bella grumbled with little interest in making conversation. Searching around for her book, she grew increasingly frustrated at not discovering its whereabouts. "Sorry if I scared you."

"You don't scare me," the man returned as he turned the page of his reading. "Not a single, earthly bit."

"Well, sorry anyways." Where could it be? Seat back pocket? No. Next to her? No. On the floor? She couldn't see it there.

"Looking for this?"

He reached across his chest, still holding the magazine folded back in his left hand as his right presented her copy of "Wuthering Heights" to her like a prize.

"Yeah. Thanks. I… didn't…"

She must have hit her head harder than she thought. His skin… So fair, so colorless. Other than occasional micro-flaws of reddish tint, it looked creamy, perfect. And the muscles that moved beneath the surface: sculpted, marmoreal. She followed up his arm, past the leather sleeve of his bomber jacket, up to blond locks that hung about shoulder length, perfectly framing his face as he turned to her, sunglasses on and hat donned.

"Jasper?"

He smiled. "Hello, Bella."

Almost immediately, she felt her pulse rise again, her head begin go spin.

"I'm sorry," he apologized, sounding sincere. "I didn't mean to scare you."

Trying to swallow, she found her mouth had gone dry. "You don't scare me," she returned, wondering if she believed it herself. "Not a single, earthly bit."

Putting down the magazine, he leaned in, his breath falling over her like a sweet toxin. "Bella, that's a lie, and you know that I know that. You're scared."

"I am," she admitted. Why were her muscles so rigid, belying her convictions? "But not of you."

He quirked an eyebrow. "So you forgive our little… incident?"

She nodded. "You were just doing what comes natural to you. Can't blame nature for acting naturally. Like the bear. Though, if it's all the same to you-" Cautiously, she uncurled her fingers from the edges of her book that still kept in Jasper's grasp. "-I'll avoid touching paper in your presence."

He actually gave a little chuckle, which served to ease her slightly.

"Speaking of which, why are you here?"

His smile faded as he pulled the book back into his lap and let out a resigned sigh. "I have news, Bella, and it isn't good. You'll forgive my unconventional interception of you on this… _bus. _ I didn't want to come into Forks. I know you're close to … certain elements of the community who would not take kindly to my presence."

Realization dawned on her on how he must have known. "Alice told you about Jake."

He dismissed it with a wave of his hand. "No need. I can smell it on you. Even the stench of a Greyhound Bus can't cover that. But yes, Alice mentioned it to me the last time we spoke."

Something in his tone queued her into something amiss. "Last time you _spoke _to her? Isn't she… back from Italy?" Then, panic pushed her into subdued hysterics. "Oh, my god. Jasper…. Edward? Is he… Did he actually… Jasper, where's Edward?"

He seemed perplexed about how to answer, his mouth wordlessly flapping like a fish as he searched for the words. "Truth is, Bella, I don't know. I… can't say for certain."

If she didn't know better, she would have sworn that he was trying not to cry. Or not to panic. Or not to laugh.

"The Volturi were very reluctant to destroy Edward unless there was no other way."

"Alice was going to knock some sense into him. When she came to see me, she was going to stop him from doing anything stupid. _I know _she wouldn't have let him do anything stupid."

Jasper's eyes grew distant. "Bella, Alice… Alice did everything she could. I'm sure she did."

Scrambling in her seat, her hands reached out and encircled his wrist, like a child begging. "Jasper? Jasper, where is Alice?"

With startling precision, his eyes focused, the truth in his gaze before it ever feel from his lips. "Bella, they killed her. The Volturi killed her. Bella, Alice is dead."


	3. The Hook

"Reality is easy. It's deception that's the hard work."-Lauryn Hill

THE HOOK 

He didn't know a human stomach could hold so much. But as Bella's insides heaved finally only a spatter of acidic, green goo into the toilet, Jasper thought at last she would stop. How much longer could this possibly go on, after all?

His timing of making himself known to her, of course, had been perfectly planned. He had poked around in her subconscious as she slept, triggering emotions that would cause the chemical reaction in her body, waking her, right before the Greyhound's scheduled stop. So when he saw Bella's face cloud over, witnessed her muscles clench before her upper frame began to shake, and sensed her emotional grid evacuating towards a meltdown, he had sense enough to pull her quickly into one of the layover station's handicap bathrooms, locking the door behind them.

Finally, her body eased back as her backside met the grimy, checkerboard-tiled floor. Eyes that he had observed countless times, bright and hopeful as she looked into Edward's gaze, now were blood-shot and dull. Bella had already been slender before, but now he saw her after so long, the effects of their leaving were evidenced in the florescent lights. Skin pale, hair oily, skin pecked in a way a teenage girl's shouldn't be. She was a grey ghost of her former self. How had Charlie let this go on?

They both were distracted when Bella's cell phone chirped. Without moving to pull it from her jacket pocket, she looked to Jasper.

"Jacob was expecting me to call," she said plainly. "I told him I'd call when we stopped."

"Of course." He gave what he hoped she thought was a compassionate smile. "Are you going to answer?"

As though he had suggested a novel use for the phone she had never pondered, she looked at him curiously. "How?"

"How?"

A smile that spoke of pain crossed her face. "How do I talk to him and not tell him what's going on? I mean, listen to my voice…" And just then, conveniently providing proof, her tone cracked. "He's going to know something happened, and I just can't tell him… about…"

"Me." Jasper completed her thought.

She nodded. "No offense, Japser, but he'll kinda freak out. And if he… you know, 'wolfs out,' he can be here in no time flat. "

Jasper slid down to the floor, sitting next to Bella, both their backs against the wall. "No, I agree it's best not to cause a scene. Still, if you don't talk to him, he's liable to get concerned. Might head up here anyways."

Bella pulled the phone from her pocket and silenced it. "I'll text him in a few minutes, say I had on silence and we were still on the bus, that I slept through the rest stop. Something."

"Bella, you have turned into a liar since I last saw you." He feigned wicked surprise.

"Had a lot of practice."

She didn't need to add "lying to myself with Edward" or "lying to Charlie after Edward." He could read it in her expression, hear it in the sigh she let out afterwards.

"I'm sorry… about Alice. She's my… _was _the bestest friend I ever had."

As Jasper reached out his arm and put it around her, even he was surprised when she so immediately melted into his hold. More surprising still is how he actually found it a comfort.

"There, there now, Bella. It's okay."

She chuckled lowly. "This seems wrong, you comforting me."

He pulled her frame a little closer, feeling her warmth against her his side. "I'm uniquely qualified to be a sympathetic soul. And you've suffered too. I don't know if Edward is alive or dead, but I guess it hasn't made much difference to you, has it?"

"Not… in… the… slightest." Every word was separated, stringed along like individual pieces of spaghetti. "Jasper, I know how you feel."

"Yeah?"

Her eyes glistened, though the tears for the moment held off. "Yeah. When Edward left, I felt like he had died. And because he had died, I died. I felt dead. For a while there was pain, then anger, and then there was just… nothing. I went numb. Dead. Completely and utterly dead."

Jasper exhaled. "Yeah, that's pretty much how I felt. Now though, I feel hope."

She turned her eyes up to his. "Hope?"

"Hope," he confirmed. "Bella, when Alice died, I got to thinking about what happened between you me, how none of this would have happened if it wasn't for me trying to get to you."

"Jasper, I said I don't blame you for…"

His hand flew up, his fingers pushing on her lips. "Nevertheless, it did happen that way, Bella. It's… It's too late for me. Alice is gone, and as much as that kills me, facts are facts. I even thought about going to Volturi, pulling Edward's trick, trying to get them to kill me. But then I realized something."

"What?"

He smiled, leaned his forehead into hers, and lifted his hand now to stroke her hair. "It's over for me. I'll never have Alice again. But you, Bella… There may still be hope for you to get Edward back."

Her face turned icy white. "What if he's dead?"

"What if he's not?"

His hand slipped under her chin and pulled it up. "But what if he's not, Bella?" he asked a little more pointedly.

"Jacob…"

"Will still be a lovesick dog if you go or if you don't. Haven't you heard about wolves, Bella? They mate for life."

Shuffling to his feet, Jasper held his hand out to help her up as well. "Bella, the choice is yours. I'll understand if you don't want to."

Her balance swayed before Jasper reached out to steady her. "It's not that I don't want Edward to be okay, it's more that I don't know if I can endure his leaving me again. Even seeing you, Jasper, I'm afraid."

"I promise, I won't hurt you again," he swore.

Slowly, Bella shook her head as her eyes darted to the side and a slight blush returned to her face. "No, Jasper. I'm not afraid of you hurting me. I'm afraid of you… leaving me."

He shifted uncomfortably before pulling her so tightly into his hold, he worried for a moment that he might have hurt her. She was crying, but then he realized from the warmth of her tears it was a cry of relief.

"I promise, Bella, I won't leave you alone. I'll stay with you as long as you want me. I don't want you to be alone. And, honestly, I don't want to be alone either."

"To Italy," she confirmed, speaking into his shoulder. "Together." 


End file.
